Embrace the Power of You by Tricia Montalvo Timm

Author:Tricia Montalvo Timm [Timm, Tricia Montalvo]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Tricia Montalvo Timm
Published: 2023-03-07T00:00:00+00:00

Getting to the Point Where Your Identity Is Not a “Thing”

You’ll know you have reached self-acceptance when your identity is no longer a “thing” that you are trying to hide. For me, talking freely about my family and their traditions signaled to me that I had accepted that part of myself. Even identifying myself as Latina when asked about my ethnicity was a huge milestone, as that previously brought me shame. When you are no longer worried about how others will respond to that piece of your identity you were previously hiding, that is when you will know you are now fully accepting that part of you.

We are starting to see this shift in our media. Back in the 1980s and ’90s, being different from the traditional white, straight, married middle-class family often held a spotlight to it. I remember the “Puppy Episode” of the Ellen DeGeneres sitcom, Ellen. This was the episode when she came out. It was all anybody could talk about. It was on magazine covers, on talk shows, and it filled countless conversations around the water cooler. There were accolades and there was backlash. DeGeneres even received death threats. Her sexual orientation was a thing that everybody was discussing. I don’t think many of us sit around the table and talk about the perils of being heterosexual, but being homosexual generated lots of opinions. It was a thing.

Two decades later, we are now seeing a shift, beginning in comedies such as Schitt’s Creek. In this sitcom, David Rose, one of the central characters of the story, is pansexual. What is striking about the show is that David’s storyline—his dealing with his loss of wealth, his fashion, his family dynamics, his relationship with his best friend Stevie, his entrepreneurship—does not focus on his sexual orientation. Even the topic of homophobia is absent altogether. In other words, his identity, his sexual orientation, is not a “thing” that people in the show talk about. David just shows up as his himself and we experience his life through his eyes. It is small moments like these that make you feel like you are no longer an “other.” That being pansexual, bisexual, homosexual or heterosexual doesn’t matter. It’s just part of who you are.

I am longing for the day when we don’t say the “first female president” or the “first transgender CEO.” When the identity is no longer the thing that we are talking about. That day will come, but only when all of us make the decision to accept all of our own wonderful, unique qualities and show up authentically with our friends, our family and at work. It is not until we can love and accept ourselves that can we expect others to accept us. The road to belonging begins with self-acceptance.

You have something of value to give to the world. Your life story and how you got to where you are today is more interesting than you realize. People want to hear about it. It might feel scary

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